Is The World a Better Place For Having You in It?

When I first watched Schindler's List about 6 months ago I was completely unprepared for the effect it would have on my life. If you haven't seen it, you must watch it. To summarise:


''Oskar Schindler is a vainglorious and greedy German businessman who becomes unlikely humanitarian amid the barbaric Nazi reign when he feels compelled to turn his factory into a refuge for Jews.'' (Source)


The true story of a self confessed ''profiteer of slave labour'' ended with him breaking down in front of everyone he had saved from the Nazis. Distraught, he has a realisation that he could have done more, saved more people, had he not wasted so much money. The part that really struck a chord with me was where he points out his car and says ''why did I keep this car? Ten people, right there'', and goes on to realise that each of his prized material possessions equalled human lives that he could have saved.


It forced me to see that when I choose to say, spend my money on an expensive pair of shoes, I am also choosing to not send that money to Africa to a starving child. I am choosing shoes over life. And it just highlights the emptiness of material things. They just don't matter, and I can continue to convince myself that they do, or I can wake up.


Saying that this affected me just doesn't do justice to the profound impact it had on my life. Everything material just suddenly seemed so unimportant and worthless. It made me question the direction my life had been heading and I literally couldn't get out of bed for a week, because I was so despairing.


All my life I have been driven by the idea of wealth and success. I opened a clothing shop and factory last year and all I cared about was expanding, and making as much money as I could. I dreamed of fancy houses, one in London, one in New York, a nice little holiday home in India, perhaps one in Vegas too. I imagined how fabulous it would feel to be the richest person any of my friends had ever known. Attaining these goals was the most important thing to me, and suddenly I realised the vulgarity of what I was wishing for. Everything I had ever wanted repulsed me. I felt so conflicted and didn't know how to deal with it.


I got over the inital shock and got back to work, but the thoughts kept creeping back in; my life had no real meaning and I didn't want to ignore it forever. I wondered if I needed a religion? I read books on spirituality and then Buddhism, hoping to find a place for me. They certainly helped, and I forget where now, but I read something that resonated and became my motto for life: 


I want the world to be a better place for having me in it, to give back more than I take out.


And that's it, that became my guiding light. It was the final push that led me to being vegan. How can I say that I have given more than I've taken while I exploit animals and take things from them that they have been forced to give? Well, I can't. 


My emphasis is on animals, it's what I'm passionate about. Now I feel like I'm heading in the right direction, all I can do is strive to be good and do better, and help their cause, and that idea leaves me full and hopeful, and the emptiness has disappeared. It's the only thing that drives me any more. I'm now more motivated than ever when I work, but it's because I know that the money I make is to help them. 


I spoke about my plans to open a farmed animal sanctuary which I can use to educate people about veganism in a recent post, and since then I've started to look at land I can buy to get the ball rolling. I am firmly focussed on that goal and it drives me more than anything. It's the reason to get out of bed and go to work. Making money for myself just isn't enough.


So now, when I choose to say, stay in bed and not do any work I know that I am choosing my own laziness over the lives of animals. I'm not saying I manage it all the time, I often slip into denial but it's soon replaced by a feeling of emptiness and I get off my ass and try to make my life count.


Every day there are times when I become aware that I'm not doing enough, and I am overwhelmed at the size of the task, but then I think about that final scene where Oskar Schindler realises that each decision he has made really matters and it reminds me that I can change things, that each person is powerful and can do things that matter, every single day.