The Fever

A highly contagious condition characterised by bouts of nausea, a loss of self awareness, sudden and uncontrollable excitability, embarrassing changes in pitch of voice, warm feelings throughout the body, unexpected instantaneous euphoria, outbursts of kissing and hugging and an inability to contain emotion.

Can cause sufferers to lose their grasp of the English language and resort to baby speak and nonsensical sentences.

It is strong enough to cause even the most macho of men to lose their minds and reduce them to a cooing mess.

Common triggers include puppies, kittens, chicks or almost any other baby animal, with the effects being particularly strong if said animal is doing/wearing something cute or has a silly hairdo.

Youtube is responsible for  the widest outbreak of The Fever in known history, with the most acute symptoms being reported by people who have witnessed videos such as this:

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Long term sufferers report an increasing number of triggers, each more ridiculous than the last.

I personally suffer at least 3 episodes per day. Triggers are now so tenuous I have been known to uncontrollably squeal, and call out ''Ohhh look! Cecil blinked! It was soooo cute! Awww look! Now he's not blinking!! Aww!!''.

And I know for me it's only going to get worse. I've lost much of my self respect, and social etiquette is a thing of the past - I think nothing of grabbing a strange dog and kissing him on the mouth, sometimes with tongues, while passers by look on in horror. It's too late for me, but save yourselves!